Tasteful Trendsetter Pillows

'Let's have a secret wedding - all my friends think I have better taste!'

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

"Yuppies! There goes the hood!"

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

Haute Chinese

"That's very offensive."

A dozen predictions for foods of the future.

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

The Bland Leading the Bland

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

"Did you have any problems at the design stage?"

Woman colouring man's clothes with crayon.

"What's trending?"

'Ahh, but it's a Dyson saltshaker.'

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

Popeye Switches to Kale.

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

"Why don't we just take photos of other people's food and order whatever gets the most Facebook likes?"

Avacados

'Love the kitten heels!'

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

"I wonder if you folks are aware that black cod is this year's Chilean sea bass?"

"Bring me something impaled on a tusk."

"This is sort of my little homage to the American farm woman."

French-America Cuisine: Corn Flake Flambe!

Mother Nature's Health Foods

"It's over between kale and me -- I've moved onto sorrel."

"Dinner comes complete with coffee and your choice of dessert or an oil painting."

"We grow all our own bad-tasting ugly things."

'I know it's a cry for help, but couldn't you just, like, say, 'Help?''

Gentrification of the fridge

"I plant the kale back there to keep hipsters out of the good stuff!"

Sushi

Are you excited the republicans are going to take back the Senate? Of course. Do you have any idea how many organic, gluten-free, non-GMO sustainable, eco-friendly cups of conflict-free hot cocoa I'm going to be selling? Not to mention the free-range turkey Panini's. Liberals eat comfort foods, too.