Taste Bud Trickster T-Shirts

'Remember, the real lemon goes into the floor cleaner and the artificial lemon goes into the lemonade.'

Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'Can I get input from the guys at the bar on this one?'

"I just need help getting the pit out."

And then in Italy. . . "But I really don't like bubblegum gelato."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

'Could I just get one that's wine flavored?'

"Namaste."

"I warned you about those contortions, Mr. Dershowitz."

'I'm going to throw out my old toothbrush and get a new one.'

"I got the kids to try more vegetables by putting sugar in the salt shaker."

"It's good to see that... ...Tia Carmen teaching Gracie valuable family traditions passed down through the generations."

'Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday you like beans, now you don't like beans.'

A dog lights a cigarette, blows 3 smoke rings, then jumps through them, as if through hoops.

Frog Flycatcher.

'We're at an Italian restaurant this time, Kevin -- those are breadsticks, not giant-size chopsticks.'

"So Marty, how's business these days?" "Great. I've just sold my homing pigeon for the 34th time."

Scarecrow Directions

"...and what has my culinary genius conjured up to delight my taste buds tonight?"

Dijon Vu

'Mind if I join you? I told your wife that if she didn't like the way I cook, she could have a run at it herself.'

Sewing Machines in Surgery

'Silly Billy - who told you that you could eat a cake of soap?'

Fitz wasn't sure if this was a legitimate rescue or just more culinary trickery.

'What do you think? Does my lemonade need more sugar?'

"It probably tastes better than it looks!"

'Your trouble is that you don't appreciate good food.'

"The specials I didn't order sound so much better when you describe them to other people."

"See, Kevin ... I told you you'd be too scary if you go trick or treating as a dentist!"

'Inside of me a thin person is struggling to get out. I find that person can be sedated with a piece of chocolate cream cheese cake.'

'Says you like to play practical jokes.'

"Let's just take the Kosciuszko."