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"So, what brings you here today?"

Ill next Thursday

"It's crazy here! They're all on recreational rugs."

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

Bingo night.

"Okay, I'll renew your contract and raise you five sick days."

'They say that poker is a sport. I hope they don't start testing for steroids.'

"Blast, you've cleaned me out again!" Grey squirrels out competing red squirrel for food.

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

Philosopher trading cards.

'What do you mean - you 'LET him win'?'

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

"Forget the palm dearie...I'll read yer race."

'Why do you always win at cards but not horses? I can't shuffle the horses.'

Worm Bed

'This may be an old computer, but it won the March Madness office pool again and wants the money deposited in its Swiss bank account.'

"Your moon is in the House of Pancakes."

The Inner Dog.

"The dollar held its value today against the yen, the euro, the peso, the comic book and the baseball card."

Nostradamus.

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

Hog Futures

Monster Horrorscopes

'Your indestructible portfolio will go kablooey just before your indestructible marriage goes kablooey.'

Closed for the Foreseeable Future

"Out today due to foreseen circumstances."

Fortune Tellers Convention

Magicians monkey.

'Well, I'll be darned! It looks like just a lot of the same old stuff from here on out for you.'

"Can't you read? Our shipment is late."

Fortune teller: 'If you want a second opinion, my sister reads tarot cards.'

'I think I'll raise.'

'... Geez! This guy's got the poker face from hell.'

'When will it be o.k. to feel irrationally exuberant again?'

'He was wearing his heart on his sleeve.'