Tarot Card Reader Pillows

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

"First they came for the horoscope and the crossword and I did nothing. Then they came for the cartoonists and there was no-one left to satirise it."

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

"Forget the palm dearie...I'll read yer race."

'This may be an old computer, but it won the March Madness office pool again and wants the money deposited in its Swiss bank account.'

Your climb up the company ladder starts now.

Ill next Thursday

"Your moon is in the House of Pancakes."

'My horoscope says I'm due for a surprise today.'

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'My horoscope said I would be taking a long trip today.'

The Inner Dog.

Nostradamus.

Hog Futures

Monster Horrorscopes

'Your indestructible portfolio will go kablooey just before your indestructible marriage goes kablooey.'

"Out today due to foreseen circumstances."

Closed for the Foreseeable Future

It says, you're going to meet a nice Pisces for a romantic dinner.

Fortune Tellers Convention

Fortune teller: 'If you want a second opinion, my sister reads tarot cards.'

'Well, I'll be darned! It looks like just a lot of the same old stuff from here on out for you.'

'When will it be o.k. to feel irrationally exuberant again?'

'Will I ever catch my tail?'

'Miss Harrison said it's a better report than the ones you used to get when you were in her class.'

"My mind is plenty open, Grandma. But not so much that my brain falls out."

Seance: That line is currently busy...would you care to keep holding?

"Yes I can read palms and if you don't remove yours from my thigh, you'll be reading my palm with your face!"

'Why are you being a discipline problem at school, turd?'

I just knew this would be dull.

"You are going to meet a tall, dark stranger..."

'You were a boring accountant in ten previous lives.'

Psychic: Palm reading, tarot, and lost and found.