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'Okay, okay -- You were right about talk radio!'

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

Men discussing a book on a chat show

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

"So, colony collapse disorder - how funny is it?"

"Well I think the Real question is..."

"Today on the ask Sadie show, we'll be addressing one single topic: 'Wolverine.' Specifically, we'll be talking about how most of you freaks who were obsessed with it for months are no longer talking about it. You people today have the attention span of a chimpanzee!!! That's an average of about 20 seconds, for those of you who still remember what I just said."

"I see myself as a lot like Garbo, but very much a people person!"

Books recommended by Oprah and Howard Stern.

"What is it with Garrison Keillor and rhubarb pie?"

"Emotional breakdown! Call Oprah!"

Randi Rhodes

Retired Talk Show Host.

'So...you claim Farmer Jones kept you locked up naked in a dirty sty, fed nothing but garbage and repetitively called you a filthy swine!'

As a doctor I can only tell you that the jury is still out as regards the benefits of cannabis in a medical context,however it is my personal opinion that this particular sample would make one bitchin spliff.

Life is better with a laugh track and graphics.

"Frankly, that sounds like the sort of thing a cat would say.."

'Alan's claim to fame is that he was once a Jay Leno punch line.'

"We begin the day hammering. Then there's 'Regis and Kathie Lee.' Then we do some more hammering, followed by lunch and 'Days of Our Lives,' more hammering, 'Oprah,' and, finally, home."