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Writer's Plough

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I don't care about the rating on Goodreads. We're reading Cinderella!"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

'My 'What I Did Over The Weekend' report is about my hunting a 17,000 pound moose, deep inside Canada.Some or all of this report has been fictionalized for dramatic purposes.'

Horror Stories.

"Listen, pal, I’m not seeing a ‘giant squirrel eating a rib-eye steak.’"

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

Bob woke up in a pile of notes, some scrawled so quickly that no one could decode them. He remembered nothing of the night before, except... yes, a fleeting glimpse of the writer's moon.

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

Early accounting scandals.

'How about having at least one character who's alive and wearing clothes?'

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

'It was this big. I swear'

"We rolled your account over, sir, and that just made it worse."

"After viewing your current account balance, I think you should read the sign."

"I'd like to get my withdrawal in either cryptocurrency or social-media exposure."

Ted Hughes

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

'Do you honestly expect me to believe that fairy tale?

Workaholic goes to Pisa

'I swapped shirts with Peter Crouch.'

'And now for my William Tell shot.'

Free Little Library

"Your story is quite the booze-filled dive into the depths of depravity. Is this your first children's book?"

Yeah, yeah, yeah - tell my editor the fables are almost done, and she'll have them as soon as

"Better than Chekhov"

Tips encouraged by ATM machine.

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

I swear, we rode right through the town and my mistress Lady Godiva wasn't wearing a thing...

"Am I boring you, kid?"