Tail Tamer T-Shirts

"Guys, guys, c'mon! One more, and again, hold those tails still!"

"Mrs. Tibbles, the vet will see you now."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

Mechanic looking under the hood of a car.

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

Girl Band, "I wish you'd tell your mum we don't need her in the group!"

Litter Tray Training

"I don't care how good he is. Ain't nobody can get a short on Jeffrey."

Learn Guitar In 6 Easy Lessons: Add another fifty difficult ones!

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

A Clown pretends to put his head in the mouth of a TV lion.

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

Lion Tamers School - Lion licking his lips examiner marking a fail

Parenting Business Deals

New Swiss Army Knife

'They've been in there all day writing the job description.'

"I wish he'd slow the hell down." "I wish he'd hurry the hell up."

Dentist Training School.

Education Guidance

"Slide, Howie!!! Slide!"

'The health and safety officer isn't happy. He want's you to tie your shoelaces.'

"Most projects require three hands."

'Nah, the circus ain't what it used to be. It's got all fancy and hard since Circ de Something started.'

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

'When I said you'd have to jump through hoops, I meant you'll have to literally jump through hoops.'

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

Childhood Screen Addict

'What's your tolerance for risk?'

'This is the part I hate most - he's got terrible bad breath !'

'Where did we go wrong?'

Circus Act

'It's an emergency! The sitter wants to know where Marmaduke's doggie treats are!'

'Oh my, have you seen the size of the new tamer's head? I can't fit that in my mouth...'

"You goo-goo, you gaa-gaa. But when push comes to shove, you whaa-whaa."

He collects a wide range of tackle and knows precisely how to use it.