Tabloid Whisperer Pillows

"What did people do before they could read about the same handful of famous people over and over again?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

"Well, that's created a little order in a world of chaos."

''My Summer Vacation †the Untold Story'....'

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

The Original Gossip Columns

'The Parkinson would be good PR, but should I wear the hair shirt or the sackcloth and ashes?'

"And she's an interesting conversationalist, too."

These remarks are completely off the record

'Excellent! Our tests confirm that the average shareholder falls asleep by page 9 of the 10-K. Place the notice of the IRS audit on page 10.'

'Psst - my wife works part time for the IRS!'

Topiary bushes in the form of pointing hands. People are looking in the directions that the fingers are pointing.

Assorted Smiles, Show Business Awards.

'Don't feel too badly about your post, I used to work for the News of the World.'

"Wait! Wait! I just authored a 'Tell-All' Book about my time in the White House as a Trump insider!"

'On Wall Street, stocks and bonds dropped on news that past performance is no guarantee of future results...'

'The public aren't panicking about bird flu!'

"He's celebrating finishing the last page of his novel... Now he's just got 436 that come before it to write!"

Overnight Sensation

"The market reacted today on rumors that the rumors were only rumors..."

'Please stop talking to the media, Doctor. It's my job to make any rash statements.'

Have a Box - the red contains a whistle which you can blow before the securities and exchange commission. The blue one has a bonus, which you can take home and spend.

A billboard that reads "Elect Fletcher Hopwith - Candidate of the media".

Careers advisor to schoolgirl: 'Have you considered becoming a kiss-and-tell slapper?'

''Have you considered becominga kiss-and-tell slapper?'

"This is Mr Smith, he's head of our Qualitative Department."

"Not only must I succeed, ... others must also pay my taxes."

"How come celebrities work hard all their lives to become known then wear dark glasses to avoid being recognised?"

'I only got the essentials...meat,vegetables and the tabloids!'

'I don't think I can face coming into the office today . . . Jordan has split up with Alex Reid. . . It's like Tom and Nicole all over again... I've been in floods of tears since I woke up.'

"So, how did you end up in the gutter press ?"

'If the Government keeps attacking rich tax dodgers I've a good mind to move abroad and not pay my taxes somewhere else!'

'This rumour is so commonplace and unsensational - I think it must be true.'