Tableware Mugs

"I thought we'd decided on the gold leaf pattern."

We need tableware as wedding gifts. As a bachelor eating from a box, bag or can, Phil never acquired plates.

Happy Knife, Happy Wife

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

It's our new twin-handle beer mug. It's for manly, two-fisted drinkers, as well as weaklings like you who can't lift it with one hand.

"Got any bathtub gin?"

"Good news! She's asking for her Banana Republic and Williams-Sonoma catalogues."

Showing off the good china 3-7 pm.

'Yes, it's just a little volume.'

"Just what is a runcible spoon?"

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'

"So unfortunately, I have to make some more cuts."

'It's hard to slice a potato once you've looked it in the eye.'

Tupperware Wolf

"It's all about compromise. He's not dishwasher safe and I'm not microwave safe, but we make it work."

'It's a spork!'

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

A Fork-lift.

'I don't know what happened. One minute she's spooning me. The next minute I'm knifing her.'

Jar Wars: 'Use the forks Luke... Use the forks!'

'No fair, man. How come you get a dessert fork?'

'Ignore him, he's just angry because you're eating out of his bowl.'

'I can't party like I used to. I've got enough Tupperware.'

Flatware Follies.

Anarchist Cutlery: Soup Knife/ Bread Fork, Steak Spoon.

"He's just p****d off, because these days, I'm more popular than he is."

"You were warned about inter-utensil relationships."

"Don't you ever miss the hustle and bustle of the old tar pits?"

'I'll swap you my Wimbledon freebies for your Anodised pan set!'

Who wants to lick the swatters.

"So much to do... so little time."

JERRY SPRINGER'S GUESTS TODAY

"Out bending spoons at Pop's diner."