T-rex Tickler Pillows

"I've never been so insulted in my life! If my arms could reach, I'd slap your face!"

Concert Pianist.

"Hello coastguard, it's my husband, he's beached"

Piano Recital

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

"Eventually the instrument becomes an extension of your body."

Scrooge is visited by the ghost of prehistoric past.

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

Keyboard player

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

'That's a bit better. Persistence pays off - although, not as well as it did when I was your age.'

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

Where baby grand pianos come from.

Tyrannosaurus Tex

Farmer to son: 'For heaven's sake Jeb! Get Bessie out of that tall grass now! Can't you see she's full of ticks?!'

'The main reason I took up the piano was, it's the only musical instrument that gives you a place to set your wine.'

'About this tithing business -- do You accept manna?'

Pee Rex.

"I'm not helping you out of the TAR PIT!! I might break a nail!!"

Beware of Watchdog.

"I wasn't sure if the wine was breathing, so I've been giving it mouth to mouth."

Dear Bertha - I'd write more often, but I always seem to be out of ink! Love, Oggy

Emmanuel Ax

Predatory Pianos.

Concert pianist on his way to work.

"I am trying to keep it low key."

"We're going to be late."

"Clarence really knew how to tickle the ivories."

'Piano Player'

"O.K., I'm going to demonstrate the proper way to lie to me about flossing."

'What do you mean, you can't look at the Milky Way because you're lactose-intolerant?'

'No-one can avoid cuts!'