Tech Ticklers Pillows

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

"I imagined the Library of Congress would be much bigger."

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

Drool Marks

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

Mouse in a hamster wheel.

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

"Maybe you set it up wrong."

"I couldn't find the phone charger, but I was able to locate all the mouses the kids lost over the years."

Sistine Selfie

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

Technology and literature

"Dad's at that awkward age when he knows just enough about computers to really screw 'em up!"

"All my gadgets are old. I'd like some new gadgets."

'I've run your letter through the word processor several times, sir, but it just keeps getting worse.'

Innovate or die.

"If the jumper cables don't work, I'll pour more motor oil on the keys."

Our Computer is Up/Down.

"Why run the maze when you don't have to?"

December 17, 1903: We miraculously devise a craft that can transport human beings though the sky. December 18, 1903: We figure out how to use said craft to kill people.

'Help me, sir... I want to save my last sip of lemonade, but it doesn't work!'

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

Keyboard player

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

Solar car with automatic navigation system, automatically choosing sunny routes.

Uranium, heavy water? Where on the web did you say you got the plans for this birdhouse?

Receiving the early-morning T-mail.

"When you think of it, all you really need is one 3D printer to start manufacturing them yourself!"

"To return to normal height professor, we simply: 1. Switch on The Nano-Ray. 2. Find the Plug; 3. Insert it..."

"The new system is 100% accurate as long as the client is called Colin and lives in Swindon."

'We have developed an APP we use to import ingredients from the Internet, merge them in the computer, and then download them into the distiller and then just bottle the output.'

"It used to be that if you worried about unseen forces you were considered paranoid. Now you're a security expert."