Syntax Wizard Pillows

'He's counting how many words 'whom' with an 'm'. His record is six hundred and twenty nine.'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

I will study my speling words...

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

Kid in class corrects teachers spelling.

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

'Roget it's fantastic, superb, extraordinary...where on earth did you get the idea?'

Miss, how do you spell "acceptable"? I've Googled every "e" and can't find it.

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

The Family Joules: Part 21

'The definition of OBSOLETE: old fashioned dictionaries.'

Ninedency: A budding tendency

Conflating Science and Grammar. The boy threw the ball. What grammatical role does "ball" play in this sentence? An object in motion!

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

"It's a play on words."

Woman holds report: 'This has so many different fonts in it, I thougt it was a ransom note.'

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, Kevin. You need to know them so you can Blog.'

'I swear by my spell checker. I have a mental block for spelling. Even 'Hooqued on Foniks' didn't help.'

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

With the popularity of spell-checkers, many people are turning to the new speech-checkers.

"You can use the alphabet to text. You can use the alphabet to tweet. Why can't you use the alphabet to spell?"

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

Man sees door to Thesaurus company that has sign posted: 'Absent Ingesting Comestibles'.

"So start throwing together about 10 novels a week and bring them in on Wednesdays."

Thesaurus Publishing: Out, Not here, Gone, Absent.

"Could you repeat that word?"

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'