Switch Enthusiast Gifts

The Master Switch

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

Man feeding his computer money.

"I think that was one upgrade to many for Chris!"

'Dude, you can go for that new diving gear if you want, but if you ask me, I think it's a trap.'

Medical student overdrafts...careers in the law.

The Robotics Department. It says here that these guys completely replace all the cells in their bodies every seven years! Wow! What a slow upgrade cycle! If we don't replace all our parts every six months we become obsolete! It makes you wonder why they're in charge! Yeah, like they expect us to remember thousands of gigabytes of data while they forget their passwords! (Published originally on April 19, 2006)

'At 11:35 it's the SLOW sign. At 11:39, the STOP sign. At 11:43 it's back to the SLOW sign. At 11:49 you break for lunch. At 1:00 it's the STOP sign...'

"I think I need an eye check: I almost got fooled by a lure yesterday..."

'Your ex is calling. Her investment club bought 51 of the company, and you're fired!'

'... I couldn't remember if I had switched off the light!'

The Before-You-Know It-It'll-Be-Obsolete Computer Company

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."

After the upgrade, crashes were far less frequent and seldom fatal.

'And when I was fifteen, I ran away from the circus to join an accounting firm.'

Odd Angles, a monthly strip on coarse angling

Buddhist Center

"I will place this broken phone charger in the 'man' drawer. Where in six months time, it will magically fix itself."

'Do you think we can afford better toilets?'...

'Dried meat, survival set, folding spade... okay. Now I'm ready to go shopping with you.'

'If you're wondering why you're still in first gear, that was me you just shifted into third.'

Dry Cleaning

'I'll swap you my Wimbledon freebies for your Anodised pan set!'

"You've got to compress it because my email account is limited to 3MB."

"They've already had two upgrades while we've been standing in line."

'The boss seems to think you have an unhealthy obsession with upgrading your computer. You're to check into rehab on Monday.'

'When we converted the pub into a house, we decided to keep some of the original features.'

"You fix it by buying a new one."

'Mary finally solved the blinking clock problem by putting black tape over it.'

'He hasn't done anything yet, it's just with all this gear on, he can't stand up!'

Consoles.

To continue with tech support, you must be in front of your computer and have a soldering iron, a voltmeter and a circuit tester available.

'Mom, I warned you to stop pushing all of the buttons.'

Triceratops - "A Turtleneck? You couldn't get me a shirt with buttons?

"Wherever he is, I know he'll be upgraded."