Swing Coach Pillows

'No swimming. No breathing.'

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

"This never happened."

Swinging

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

'I think he's doing ok, the coach says he has the attention span of a goldfish.'

'Swimming is the healthiest sport. . . Because it's the only one where you can't smoke while you're doing it.'

Golfer hanging from tree branch to play difficult shot.

'It's too early to say but my lad may be good enough to swim professionally.'

'Lost your ball again?' - 'No, I've got my ball. I've lost my club.'

"Maths is easy because it's so logical. 2 + 2 obviously equals 22."

'Not that slowly back...'

Swing

"Ok, so I go back and forth… Then what?"

And if the ball is completely unplayable...

'Is the water cold?'

'Do you have any golf balls that are not attracted to water, sand or trees?'

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

Psychic diving competition.

'You'll never be the next Micheal Phelps if you don't start working on your breaststroke.'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

'Where's my horse?'

Tiny jazz musicians play large drum and bass.

Automatic swing machine

"So is that a slice of a hook? I never know which is which."

Fishy tail.

A bride and a groom on a swing

Stone henge swing.

"Ok. . . who added the yellow?"

"If I had it all to do over again, I would have liked to be the King of Swing."

Swimming with dolphins./Swimming with a cow.

'Your direction is good! Now try for distance.'

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'