Swellness Seeker Gifts

"I'm not so much interested in 'wellness' as I am 'swellness'."

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

'Please put that confusing mess of documents, files and folders where it belongs...in your computer.'

Candle Portraits.

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

Critisize your weight.

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

Catatonic

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

'Our health-care system - eat organically.'

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

Just because I'm adapted to the cold, doesn't mean I like it!

'See here, Flanigan ? what's this I hear about you going over my head to the computer?'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"That's good. Now extend the fingers and lose the attitude."

Sleepy Bunny

Man admires his Cubist Painting.

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"Now that you mention it, I have to admit, the daily grind IS starting to get to me!"

'This isn't the meeting. This is the pre-premeeting to talk about when to meet and plan the meeting.'

"They've got insulation to die for!"

Cures for the void.

Three cases of therapy-resistant low self-esteem

"Holy water, holy water...."

The new electronic system is efficient, but the garage had to sacrifice parking spaces for it.

"Hey, it's me. I just sent you a text message responding to your e-mail saying that I should IM you."

Man on Stilts in a Market

'St John's wort ambulance' - hippy ambulance.

'How many more times must I tell you to keep this door CLOSED, Hoskins?'

'Everything looks good, Now, we'll just bring in the company psychic to see if you have any pre-existing conditions from a previous life.'

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

"You're carrying a lot of tension in your neck."