Sweepstakes Dreamers Pillows

"I've just been notified by Publisher's Clearing House that I may have already won ten million dollars, but in case I haven't I need money to fix my driveway."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

Home Sweet Home

"Maybe I'm aiming too high...maybe 'saving for a cool car' is too hard."

it's back to school time, Frank. I think I have everything I need. I have a new backpack, pens, pencils, erasers, notebooks and, of course, a mask. We don't need those anymore. Speak for yourself. Zzzzzzz.

Why do you hate the media?

"Well, it's been nice. And obviously the £10 million win hasn't change you. . . . A mug of tea an' a couple garibaldies - as tight as ever!"

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'I think it's the best thing you've ever done!'

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

'I'm sorry, Bob, it wasn't you who won the mega-pool. It was Helen in accounting.' (to man mooning boss).

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

Highlights for Adults

"FREEDOM!!!"

"The pay for field testing our new lures isn't much, but you get to keep all the fish you catch."

Well, those election results certainly surprised me. Me too, little buddy. But that's because when I went to sleep last night, I had a dream … that Robert F. Kennedy had lived, he appointed Carl Sagan as science advisor and head of NASA, Sagan took us to Mars in 1991, and Donald Trump spent the rest of his days founding casinos and selling real estate degrees on the red planet. Meanwhile, in the 2016 election, Martin Luther King Jr. narrowly defeated Sonny Bono. I just meant I'd forgotten we wer

'At least someone can afford to travel by train.'

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

"Oh boy! I've won the- "

SMALL BUSINESS LOANS, 'Your business plan seems to depend on winning a lot of state lotteries....'

Research -Development - Wishful Thinking

Do-over

'Of course, it's marvellous news! Absolutely marvellous! My Word! A national lottery winner! Wonderful stroke of luck!'

'Ordinarily I wouldn't do anything like that, Mr. Hubbard, but I just hit $2 million in the lottery!'

'He's expecting a letter from the dog biscuits sweepstakes.'

"Yeah, you were Tolkein in your sleep. . ."

"Baldo, check it out...it's advice for people who've won the lottery."

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'

"I'll tell you how I got here - hours and hours of hard visualization."

'IT'S NOT YOU!'

"The good news is, my son is a potential winner, bad news, I'm still buying his lottery tickets."

"I know when they are sleeping, I know when they're awake..."

"Why would space aliens save the human race?"

'Great, a 'Powerball ticket', I was hoping for something more like an olive branch...'

"One of his employees won the lottery!"