Sweat Stopper T-Shirts

Locker room: the scent.

Nervous Oral Testing

'I love the mountains and all, but I simply can't do this....I'm just too chicken.'

'Filby, we've decided to accept your suggestion for air conditioning!'

Don't put your daughter on the stage Mrs Worthington.

"These door hinges squeak."

'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'

"Can I borrow your cage cover? Ed's really snoring tonight."

'Here's my mother's number in case I don't make it.'

"Tonight's performance has been canceled, because the star of our show has decided that musicals are stupid."

Weightlifting.

'Looks like the work of the infamous international frequent flyer burglar - Better dust for carbon finger prints!'

"your wife insisted we do what we had to do to stop your snoring. And, since she really is rather scary, we were left with no other choice but to remove your face."

"This new adjustable mattress really does stop your snoring!"

'If it weren't for baseball, this whole thing could have ended much differently.'

Suspicious Person Ban.

'Best save I've ever seen.'

Policeman painting vandals with 'anti-vandal paint' instead of painting the walls.

Sign on the door of an Allergy Ward in a hospital says: NO scratch and sniff get well cards

"Wake up Jeff. You're snoring again!"

"The stock market went up 120 points, not your blood pressure."

'You've got to cure my snoring, Doc! -- I'm afraid I'll lose my job with the Government!'

Gps to advise on 'lifestyle' issues

"....and I said, 'as a matter of fact, I DO have a bowling ball in my bag'."

"People are always discriminating against my dad. At work, people say, 'clean up that spill' and 'get under the sink.'"

"Will you please stop that incessant breathing!"

'Just your credit cards. I don't feel safe carrying cash these days.'

Members of the city and state police, the federal prosecutor's office and an undercover agent pose behind a recently-seized, uncut ounce of prevention (street value: $500,000).

'Didn't your doctor tell you that you're not supposed to light the nicotine patches?'

"They still had so much TV ahead of them."

'No alcohol for me thanks: I see enough mirages as it is...'