Survey Slinger Mugs

Mr. Frog. Poll. Poll. I'm not looking forward to this. Amphibians can never make up their minds --- first it's one way and then the other.

The writer: something who devotes a lifetime of solitude to the same of communication.

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

'Promise me you'll say Yes / No / Don't know ...'

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

Meet the author

"It all happened so fast. 'Notable Book of the Year' to the remainder shelves to HERE in just six months!"

"I've read all your books and seen all your plays, and I wear your 'Gimme' cap."

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

The novel was printed and in the stores ... any minute now, the world would beat down his door.

"Where do you get your derivative ideas?"

Freedom

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

'The first thing we will do is select a block captain.'

'After three years of writer's block, I began writing about writer's block.'

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

'Shh, Ben's running it right to us. That's his 'I've got everything under control' howl.'

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

So you've lost your journalism job. Yep and my freelance contracts. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Free distribution of information is driving publishers out of business. I can't compete against thousands of free blogs. Twenty years I spent learning to be a professional journalist and I'm a dinosaur. What'd you say? I was reading Gawker. Shoot me.

"I just want to say thanks for getting me into this writing group."

Pianist-boxer

Skywriter's Block

"We're still pretty far apart. I'm looking for a six-figure advance and they're refusing to read the manuscript."

'Ed' 'Op-ed'

"This internet survey is asking me to take another survey rating the survey I'm taking."

'This week's column is going to be about Writer's Block, and it's...'

"Yeah, that's right...ignore me, pal! You don't want an instrument of my excellence and awesomeness that would instantly make you a chick magnet and the envy of all your friends!..."

Stock Market - Bull vs Bear

"You're a writer? But what do you do for money?"

Pollsters: Mori, Gallup and Just Nosey.