Survey Seeker T-Shirts

Pollsters: Mori, Gallup and Just Nosey.

"I had a two-part dream last night."

"No opinion, eh? Well, I'll put you down as 'lair.'"

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'Promise me you'll say Yes / No / Don't know ...'

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

Surveys and economic interests

First and last day as census taker...

"Rate your experience and you could win an Amazon gift voucher."

"It's ten o'clock, and seventy-seven per cent of the people think all is well!"

I'm just a pollster, ma'am - I have no idea which candidate is a cat person.

'Can you spare a moment for the Universe, sir?'

"Shall I put that down as a 'Don't Know' then?"

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"Since they graduated, have any of your children moved back in with you?"

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

Trying to hold on to the question.

Questioning

"Good evening. Can I start you off with a customer satisfaction survey?"

"Excuse me, sir - I'm conducting a survey about stress in the workplace."

Surveying.

This survey will only take five minutes and will help me improve future floods.

"And finally, would you say your fear of crime has increased?"

'...and how satisfied are you with the food? (1) very satisfied,(2) satisfied,(3) needs improvements.'