Surprise Unwrapping Guru Pillows

MUM! I don't want a skateboard for my birthday now. I've just found one on top of your wardrobe!

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"He's gonna be in and out for a while, so we should write something funny on his forehead."

'You brought gold? I thought we agreed to a twenty dollar limit?'

'I prefer to do absolutely nothing on holiday....otherwise the shock's too much when I get back.'

Burn out

"Why don't you ever do any positive stories about government dysfunction?"

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

'Last week I got a lovely watch for my wife!'

'Of course there are more bureaucrats than field workers! It's more fun to create regulation, than to actually enforce it!'

'I like going to parties - invited or not.'

'Um, nice tie. Birthday present?'

'My holiday season: A rich tradition of belated giving and premature babbling.'

'Year after year I play Santa, and I still don't know how to give.'

'We're giving you one big present for your birthday and Christmas.'

Flowers - "You got anything that says I put a lot of thought into this gift."

Snowman offering solutions.

"I downloaded this public sector tender we should consider bidding for. I’m hoping that these new Procurement Regulations will make it a less tortuous exercise." "Based on that first page I suggest nothing has changed..."

'If you can't think of anything nice to say, how about a gift certificate?'

"If you're looking for something more expensive we can always raise the price?"

'Sir, the stupidity of your actions was directly proportional to the number of surveillance cameras watching you.'

Mall Directory asks, Where's your Christmas Spirit.

'Don't be silly, I like my sweaters a little big.'

"Shopping vouchers? Is that all you got him?"

'Gold!! You bought Gold!! What about our agreed upon gift price limit?'

'The next time you buy a tie for me, get one that doesn't look like a beef steak!'

"Even if they don't like it, they'll be flattered that we thought they'd like it."

The family matriaack!

"Oh, Sid! You should have!"

"Okay Santa. It's time to quit cyber shopping for today!"

You mean you thought I'd actually like this piece of tat?

'I said she might like it.'