Surprise Unwrapping Guru Pillows

MUM! I don't want a skateboard for my birthday now. I've just found one on top of your wardrobe!

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"He's gonna be in and out for a while, so we should write something funny on his forehead."

'You brought gold? I thought we agreed to a twenty dollar limit?'

'I prefer to do absolutely nothing on holiday....otherwise the shock's too much when I get back.'

Burn out

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

"Why don't you ever do any positive stories about government dysfunction?"

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

'Last week I got a lovely watch for my wife!'

'I hope you came with a receipt.'

'Of course there are more bureaucrats than field workers! It's more fun to create regulation, than to actually enforce it!'

'Year after year I play Santa, and I still don't know how to give.'

'Um, nice tie. Birthday present?'

'My holiday season: A rich tradition of belated giving and premature babbling.'

'I like going to parties - invited or not.'

'We're giving you one big present for your birthday and Christmas.'

'If you can't think of anything nice to say, how about a gift certificate?'

Flowers - "You got anything that says I put a lot of thought into this gift."

"I downloaded this public sector tender we should consider bidding for. I’m hoping that these new Procurement Regulations will make it a less tortuous exercise." "Based on that first page I suggest nothing has changed..."

Snowman offering solutions.

Julian Assange

"If you're looking for something more expensive we can always raise the price?"

'Sir, the stupidity of your actions was directly proportional to the number of surveillance cameras watching you.'

Mall Directory asks, Where's your Christmas Spirit.

"Shopping vouchers? Is that all you got him?"

'Don't be silly, I like my sweaters a little big.'

'The next time you buy a tie for me, get one that doesn't look like a beef steak!'

'Gold!! You bought Gold!! What about our agreed upon gift price limit?'

Gift-Givers Cheese Block

The family matriaack!

A simple demonstration with a box of chocolates - 'Oh, yeah! Work it, Peel. You the man.' - 'Ah! Perfect!' -

'...and this year I can do without the usual 'nice new toothbrush.''

"It's a wrap!"