Surfer At Heart Pillows

'The garnish was really good, but these biscuits are rather tasteless...'

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

Turtle Hat

Surfing koala.

'You both know the rules -- walk 1 paces, turn, and tee off on each other.'

How to cope in Los Angeles vs. New York

Meticulously prepared, locally sourced food served on artifacts of a romanticized industrial past, by people who take their fashion cues from daguerreotypes, to adults whose parents still pay their rent.

'He's known as the hardest-driving track coach in the country.'

Sporting maladies.

"Now batting, No. 2, Derek Jeter—No. 2. Happy now, nut job?"

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

Happy-Go-Lucky-Father-Of-Two-Avid-Golfer-Longtime-Magnetic-Tape-Salesman-Kiwanis-Member or Thomas Pynchon?

'I hate rainy days!'

101 uses of a dead cat: surf board.

Portaloo Tidal Wave.

'We don't know HOW to surf - Can't you part the sea or something?'

'Is the thrill worth the chance of wiping out and getting (shudder) wet?'

'This is great! We should holiday at home next year too!'

"We do a service to humanity by culling out the weak, the sick and the surfers."

Marry me on a surfboard

The Ultimate Beginner's Board

"I suppose a lot of people do their worshipping online these days."

"Dude, are you taking selfies?"

Love on a surfboard

'Does 'Amen' mean 'Send'?'

'Just think, our first wave as husband and wife.'

Jesus sighted walking off Malibu.

Surf's up!

'No surf?'

Surfing octopus.

'You didn't EITHER just friend the Pope!'

'C'mon! -- Let's evolve into Beach Boys!'

"This is Billy. He's an old washout."