Support Group Skeptic Gifts

Procrastinators Anonymous - Postponed

Fear of Abandonment Support Group

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"Nonsense - we're far less religious than you are."

Accident-Prone Support Group.

"As usual, you're confusing your right to have an opinion with having your opinion respected."

Huge support for focus groups etc but nobody at the political meeting

Boss: 'Speak up Smythe, I know you've got an opinion, I told you what it was in my email this morning!'

The first meeting.

'If they didn't have on-site daycare, I wouldn't even be able to come to these meetings.'

The Electric Fence Survivors Support Group

'Insomniacs Anonymous. Next meeting 3am,Tues.'

"Do you believe in life after drink?"

'I'm in two minds whether to go or not.'

Alcoholics Eponymous

"It tells me if your bill is fake or not."

Get rich today with cold fusion tomorrow! Invest now!: 'More like con - fusion! He's a con artist!'

"Ned's a lot more fun to live with since he stopped believing ANYTHING he sees on the internet."

"When Daddy goes by, make sure he can see how bored we are."

'My name's Steve, and I'm an alcoholic. And I'm pretty sure the guy vomiting behind my chair is too.'

I'm with crazy.

Agoraphobia Congress

"Your support group is in need of a support group."

Welcome - forgetful persons anonymous.

"I've no idea where they are - maybe they're all ill."

"When I quit drinking I saved a ton of money that I lost gambling"

'Welcome to gamblers anonymous. Now before we get started who bets that Simmons doesn't show?'

"I've just joined a support group for boring people."

"Do you offer a warranty?"

'Before the group hug, I had a Rolex here!'

Fear of success support group.

"Then, 18 years ago, I had a moment of clarity. Ever since, I've been working the program, hoping for another one."