Superhero Aficionado T-Shirts

"Do you ever find yourself wondering, 'What would Batman do in this situation?'"

It used to be all about truth and justice. Now, mostly I fight for market share.

"Ahhhh."

"Flying around all day just won't cut it - sooner or later, you're going to have to fight some evil."

"This morning, I looked into the mirror and said to myself, 'Bruce, you're a billionaire. It's time to stop horsing around and enjoy life a little.' "

'Is this gonna raise my premium?'

'When I said I wanted you to 'Champion' customer care Colin, I was thinking more of you chairing some strategy meetings!'

'And what misguided soul gave you the idea that a lot of crime was occurring underwater in the first place?'

'Well, what do you think?!'

'Reviewers say it has ups and downs...'

'We interrupt this program for a super-special bulletin....'

Chicken Man.

Batman and Robin

"Let's say that's better without, shall we?"

'Sorry, but I feel you're using your image as a cover for lack of true self!'

Rejected Spider-man lunchbox ideas

Are you in distress? Not really. Of course not. Forgive my presumption. These are brutal economic times and I just thought you might need a hand. I'll take this brie and merlot and be on my way. Well, my husband recently lost his job. Husband? You'll be fine. Gotta run. Wait, who are you?! R.

"I don't care if Sales thinks you're a superhero, the cape violates the dress code and the mask is a security violation."

"I feel like bad guys aren't as scared of me in the summer."

"What do you think he pays for a lair like this?"

A man in a bat mask watches a superhero get changed in a phone box

"Faster than a speeding bullet from a legally purchased and registered handgun" just doesn't have the same ring.

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

"The hive mind has reached a consensus about 'Wolverine'."

Oh, I'm not saving anyone, I just get better reception up here.

Superman with nowhere to change

Wow! Look what you get when you hire a ride service right in front of a comic book convention!

Did you see Doctor Strange, little buddy? Yes sir!!! I reported to the nearest 3-D theater as mandated by the unspoken Comic Fan Compact of 2008 … wherein we all tacitly agreed that these are not individual movies, they are one big story and to miss even one part of it is sacrilege. I even watch all the Marvel Netflix shows, pursuant to the Daredevil Addendum of 2015, sir!!! So noted.

"Young Justice" got renewed for a third season! What's that? It's a cartoon about a bunch of superhero sidekicks, like Robin and Kid Flash. They start off in the shadows of the more famous heroes, but they quickly show that they're every bit as cools as the bigger, stronger heroes. I think I can tell why that show appeals to you, little buddy. Does your cup feel heavy? My cup feels heavy.

Comic Book Balloons

Practical Superheroes: The Hot Flash. Hot.

Boss, if you could be ANY superhero, which one would it be? Insurance-Adjuster-Man. In a world where superheroes were real, there'd be an awful lot of collateral damage to buildings and infrastructure. Insurance-Adjuster-Man would probably clear six figures by breakfast. "Heroes" aren't in it for the money. Of course they are. Take Lex Luthor, for instance ... Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard.

It's time like this I regret wearing my underwear on the outside of my tights. Men.

Superman Going On Vacation.

"Are you nuts? This is what I do."