Sunday Viewing Gifts

'Can't it wait until halftime?'

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

Tennis fans queuing at Wimbledon.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

"I AM at my usual position."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'Slip Ahoy!'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

A child interrupting family prayers

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

Beer Order

Binge Watch

'Hey, hey, hey!'

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

The Epsom Derby - The Finishing Line

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

'St. Joseph's Church,today's sermon, the road to heaven (free maps)'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'