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'Lot was told to take his wife and daughter and flee from Sodom.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

Coping with a strong-willed child

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Early Piety

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"When I gave up cookies for the period of fasting called Lent, I thought it would be an hour, like the period of school called math."

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

Jesus plays peek-a-boo with doubting Thomas.

Moses' first encounter with the burning bush didn't go well.

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

"Reverend, if we're born again in Jesus...do we get another belly button?"

'God sees everything? You mean He channel surfs?'

"Tell me the story about Jonah and the big fish again, Dad."

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

"A plague of frogs? Awesome!"

"My mom got it on. She said you'd get it off."

"Daniel, I seem to have dropped my keys, could you look around and toss them up."

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

"You're actually passing notes in class? That is so retro!"

'I just glanced back at Sodom and Gomorrah for a second...'

Jonah met a strange wooden boy in the belly of the whale.