Suburbian Humorist Pillows

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

Cash Machines From Across the Land

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

Superman flies Batman over a suburban neighborhood.

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

German School

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

The Evolution Of Man