Suburbia T-Shirts

Welcome to Parmesan Acres: A Grated Community.

Titian's Venus of Mamaroneck

"The boondocks R us, I guess."

Police Log from Suburbia Heights in Haiku Form

Minimum-Security Prison

"You're moving into a place where all the parents live well and all the kids test well."

"You don’t seem pleased to have a former royal as a neighbor."

Superman flies Batman over a suburban neighborhood.

'I don't care if the pot roast was a little dry, you had no business condemning poor Gloria to hell!'

Please stand by...for view.

ahhh...peace and quiet...

"That does it! - if the Anderson's have the bomb, then we have to have it too..!!!"

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

A corner market is taken over by suburban sprawl.

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

"I'm looking for something that says country-but-only-an-hour-and-a-half-drive-from-the-city."

Beware of the Lawn

Madison Avenue and Maple Street

"Honestly, all three of them were mistakes."

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"If you want to buy this, I'm afraid I'm going to need to see some justification."

"Not only is the grass greener, but check out that Mercedes!"

"Dad's home."

"Quick! Get your gun, Pa! Here come the suburbs."

Autumn Leaves

'Hey, buddy, this is a cattle subdivision.'

'The previous owner broke his leash ...I mean, lease.'

"Honey, you’ve got to see this one she just left on the neighbor’s lawn—it’s perfect, like showroom condition." "Dan loved his dog."

"I'm a Big Apple kinda guy, stuck in the Garden State."