Suburban Storyteller T-Shirts

When in Rome...

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

Mark and Gwyneth had a dark secret. At night, once the curtains were closed to the suburban world outside, the facade they put up to the neighbours was revealed to be 100 genuine...they were totally boring.

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

Mega Construction Company: Paving Paradise and Putting Up Parking Lots for Over 50 Years. Deal with it.

Channelling on the Cheap

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

'He's great, he can even fetch the paper. Off the neighbour's step.'

Suburban street.

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

"I'm going to read a statement and then I'll take questions.''

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

"Never mind the cat! There's a squirrel stuck in a rainspout over on Lang Road!!"

'Honey, it's not the Feds. It's the pseudo-feds.'

"I gave on the E train."

'She wasn't a soccer mom after all -- she was a NINJA mom!'

"This next one's a sad little number I call, 'I left my guitar on the F train.'"

"Welcome to the neighbourhood. I hope you like savory pies."

Autumn Leaves

"This is nothing. You should have been with us last year at Fifty-third and Lex."

"Still a freelance journalist?"

Metrocard error messages

'My therapist suggested I redirect my anger into landscaping and gardening!'

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

"This here is a little number I wrote when I recovered a repressed memory."

"The Imaginary Playmate Meets the Invisible Fence"

'The world's first riding lawnmower.'

Boarding House Kitchen

"Well, Charles, it wasn't a 'pesky little wasp,' it was a hummingbird."

statue in park: 'Arnold P. Rossiter, a local boy who went to the big city and made it big... and now he's back home, flipping burgers, just like we always said he would.'

I Spoke Out On The Issues - Please Help.

Hadleyville Has-Beens

'Well, that's just great...zombies! There goes the neighbourhood!'

'And me fresh out of xanax.'