Subscription Service Sampler T-Shirts

Man with fake beard gets a package from the Beard of the Month club.

Try to guess the continent dining...

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

Sinking Sand

Wine of the Day Club

Food samples in supermarket - 'There's a stick in mine.'

'English homework leaves a pleasant after taste. History takes like fast food. But math is a real bummer on my digestive tract.'

Pat's Bar, Rotgut Tasting 5-7.

"I'm sorry, your grapefruit subscription ran out and I forgot to renew it."

'Anyone else seeing a pattern here?'

NEW FALL LINEUP

"I don't understand it - no matter how much I drink coffee, play on my phone, refresh my e-mail, look up things online, go to the kitchen for snacks, message my friends, scroll through Twitter, and play with the cats, I still can't get any writing done."

'I'm part of a double-blind study to see how weight loss supplements help people lose weight. I'm guessing I received the sugar pill placebos.'

'I had a taste of my own medicine yesterday - Yuck!'

After our sun sheds the last of its energy and collapses in on itself... ...after the solar systems degraded, their planets flung out and consumed... And after those billions of stars in their billions of galaxies are all slowly snuffed out one by one... ...and after the last of the supermassive black holes evaporates... A single last question will remain, drifting through the long, cosmic dark... To renew your universe, please update your payment details.

"I'm not mocking your song—I'm sampling it."

'Smoked salmon and cream cheese. What's in yours?'

"SHEESH. What will it be like when I'm eighty?!"

Club of the Month

When Mrs Murray said you should vary your diet I don't think she meant to just try all 16 flavours of POT NOODLES.

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."

'You know, hors d'oeuvres are completely lost on your side of the family.'

"Did you join the testimony-of-the-month club?"

Two tourists inspecting a French sign

Working from home.

"Have you ever thought about putting out, instead of pretzels, maybe peanuts?"

American 'Idle'.

Our bank account is now behind a paywall...

"Gimme a large cone with a sample of everything."

"You've passed me three times already. This is your last chance, buster, or I'm sending you straight to bed without your free samples."

Midlife Madness

It was cute when my digital assistant played "Bye Bye Birdie" after I asked for help with a pesky bird. But it was just snarky playing the theme from "Mission: Impossible" when I asked for guidance on reducing my debt.

"Install that, then uninstall that. Open that, then close that. Update that, then delete that. Run that program, then end that program..."

"Yeah, you're right, these can cause long term health issues. But trust me, for you that's not gonna be a problem."