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"He's deliciously vintage."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

Kensington Fluffies

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

Notice: this dress will be out of style by January 2009.

'Get me public relations!'

A backup plan might be a good idea, in case 'being a celebrity' doesn't work out...

"We succumbed to your hype."

Hollywood or bust!

The Acme Agency: "Dedicated to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Media Exposure."

'My blog has been favourited over half a million times but still no book deal!'

'Actually,no. It isn't okay to have a little chat and sign a few autographs!'

Skinhead guppy.

"I'm sorry, but Chef Scott feels he's moved beyond that concept."

As Seen On TV

"Got to have a pair of those!"

'I've been a broker for almost three days and I've never seen the market act like this.'

"He just sits there, trying to think of the tweet to end all tweets."

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up...Can I have your autograph please?'

Signing cage.