Striker Devotee Pillows

Mohamed Salah

"Keep your money, sir. I'm on strike!"

You had me at vintage.

French Early Bird

Star Wars Audience

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

'But I do have fun, I have lots of fun. I have lots of fun making lots of money.'

Bowling ball van driving into bowling pin factory.

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

"...And don't give me that 'I hope his precious little Blackhawks lose' look either!"

"They'd sold out of #1's."

'Going 'cold turkey' might be dangerous...I'd wean him off by letting him watch world cup re-runs....'

"Just for once, why don't we forget the poor and blow the lot down the local tavern?"

"Yin and Yankee fan"

Goal

Alien: "I'm here to negotiate my new contract with George Lucas !"

'I envisioned them praying to something entirely different.'

Geriatric Darth Vader

Ball and Chain

Why Centrist Democrats Can't Get to Bernie Sanders

"Should we have dinner now, or are you watching in real time?"

'He's a true athlete... tennis elbow, jogger's feet, and skier's knees.'

Football fan

"I thought they decided who was the best team last year?"

'Don't cry, Tel. England might be out of the European cup, but at least we've still got Poland.'

Rudy Giuliani's shrine

Big match day.

'Don't drink on an empty head.'

"I was deadwood but I'm out of a job. I guess I'm driftwood."

Boss, I've come down with something. I need the day off. That "something" wouldn't be Star Wars tickets, would it? "Star Wars"? What's "Star Wars"? I'm really sick. Cough. Cough. Oh

I don't get why ladies find you so charming, and me so boring. Simple projection. Believe she finds you charming because you're wittier and more mysterious than she is. She'll sense you're a challenge. Suddenly she'll make anything you say conform to that assumption. So I just Jedi mind-trick them? Maybe not ANYthing.

'A bike this nice, I didn't think you'd mind me bathing it in your bathtub. Do you have an extra blanket, it'll be sleeping in our room.'

I love Kung Fu.

Some Angels don't need wings to fly - In memory of Robert Enke

'Do you love me more than City?'