Stretcher Humor Lover Pillows

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"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

"I said 'follow,' not stalk your bliss!"

'Take a picture...it'll last longer.'

I think he must have been in marketing before --- He's all about branding.

'Would Sir care for a hot towel?'

"In your original statement, you said the fish was much bigger."

"You're doing that thing again where you're my husband and you're next to me in bed."

"May I ask why you have 'inspired by true events' on the top of your resume?"

Scaffolding team watching TV.

'She gave me the tools and said 'Enjoy yourself.' Then, when I started building stuff, she left me.'

Yoga Class. Ernie, check this out -- The "lotus" position! Looks more like the "low-tush" position!

"You're obviously under consideration for something."

'I hear the boss is taking roping lessons.I wonder what he's going to practice on?'

Estate Agents - Now in!! Affordable houses (flooded).

Canoeing on a Dried River Bed

'Candor is a plus.'

When I said to show me where it hurts.. it's ok to just point.

An injury to hide from the ladies.

Speed Limit 5 MPH. Enforced by Potholes.

"You'd better change your ways soon, young man, because you're skating on pretty thin ice right now."

Farm notice - Milk Your Own Cow.

"Guess which one I made with a 3-D printer."

"Tell me again the name of the professional basketball team you played for."

'I shouldn't be much longer, hon, I'm putting on the 18th green right now.'

"My apologies, sir. Our chef forgot to take his beta-blocker."

Maternity Ward Door Sign - 'Push, push, push'

Yonkers Oktoberfest

"He's laid up with a bad case of inertia."

Birthday Suit Alterations

Chocolate Painting.

"Hallo...local hospital? I understand you're short on beds."

VOTE!, 'I'm a fiscal conservative and a social liberal!'