Stretcher Humor Lover Pillows

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"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

"I said 'follow,' not stalk your bliss!"

'Take a picture...it'll last longer.'

'Would Sir care for a hot towel?'

"You're doing that thing again where you're my husband and you're next to me in bed."

"In your original statement, you said the fish was much bigger."

"May I ask why you have 'inspired by true events' on the top of your resume?"

'She gave me the tools and said 'Enjoy yourself.' Then, when I started building stuff, she left me.'

Scaffolding team watching TV.

"You're obviously under consideration for something."

'I hear the boss is taking roping lessons.I wonder what he's going to practice on?'

Estate Agents - Now in!! Affordable houses (flooded).

Canoeing on a Dried River Bed

'Candor is a plus.'

When I said to show me where it hurts.. it's ok to just point.

Speed Limit 5 MPH. Enforced by Potholes.

An injury to hide from the ladies.

Maternity Ward Door Sign - 'Push, push, push'

Farm notice - Milk Your Own Cow.

"Guess which one I made with a 3-D printer."

"My apologies, sir. Our chef forgot to take his beta-blocker."

Yonkers Oktoberfest

"He's laid up with a bad case of inertia."

Birthday Suit Alterations

Chocolate Painting.

VOTE!, 'I'm a fiscal conservative and a social liberal!'

"Hallo...local hospital? I understand you're short on beds."

"D'you think he's taking it too literally?"