Stress-free Flyer T-Shirts

"If your luggage is in your clothes it doesn't count!"

'Sorry I'm late - I was stacked up at the airport.'

"Now THAT's what I call a budget airline!"

Dog on a plane.

"You've got to help her ... she has developed a fear of flying."

"Ever since my great fall, I've been searching for that same adrenaline rush."

Casual skydiving.

'I knew I should have bought more insurance.'

'One nice thing about this, it has overcome my fear of height.'

"Who wants to go first?"

'Relax, folks, he just did that for me. When I get the hiccups, a little scare never fails to cure them.'

Starting is the scariest part.

"This can't be right. I was supposed to lose 20 lbs before my next annual exam - maybe I should postpone my appointment for ... another year."

Happy Pilot flying fast plane.

"Look at thse plodders down there - what do they know of exhilaration?"

"So good to be out of that flying death trap."

"We want to fly the friendly skies, but only with friendly fellow passengers."

'Would you mind holding my hand Jim? The truth is, I'm deathly afraid of flying.'

Try Bob's Flight School

"Miss, I'm familiar with the 'Fasten Seatbelt' sign, but what's with the 'Check Engine' light?"

Excess Baggage: People will do almost anything to avoid paying those fees for checked baggage.

"The plane will cost $269 million per unit... a little less if we forego the cup holders."

"The flights are 99p...but it's an extra £435.89 if you want to take them inside the plane!"

Flight attendant looking out a lighted window.

'This ladies and gentlemen is our business model.'

"We'll now start boarding Group 9... Please remember your inferiority as you walk past the other groups, you cheap, dirty, cretins."

In Case of Emergency

"Attention: The Captain has turned off the hokey-pokey light. You are now free to shake it all about."

"I used to be afraid of flying, but thanks to airplanes, not anymore."

Roadwork ahead: Proceed cautiously and from love rather than negativity.

'Sorry about the screaming during that air pocket, back there.'

'Tomorrow I'll teach you how to land.'

Priests on plane - "We must be near head office."

Words you don't ever want to hear: 'I keep forgetting - east, is that to the left or the right of north?'