Strategy Shaker Pillows

"As the new head coach, my first move will be to blow up the entire roster."

"Looks like we found the issue."

How leaders fail

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

Our Two Parties, Explained

'And finally, there is the universal solution.'

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

"It's all a matter of planning...."

Failure/Due Diligence

"Oh good, you brought Robert's rules of order."

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'I want to discuss communication clarity.'

"I think we should try something a little simpler."

"If we can't find the way forward, let's find the way back."

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'We need a product line that will stimulate our profit line.'

'Maybe we need new profit charts?'

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

CEO Escape

I have plenty of work harder bees. Get me more work smarter bees.

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

'I would like to see a little less adventure in this business venture.'

'A good leader can lead them to water, but a great leader can also make them drink.'

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

'Larry, you have everything it takes to go far in this company, but a word of advice: lose the laugh.'

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

"Do you call this a business plan?"

'Unfortunately, we were a little off-target again this quarter.'

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

'We're looking for bold, innovative strategies to pretty much maintain the status quo.'

Office Canteen: 'Getting in a consultant is win-win for us... we'll get the credit if it's a success - but, if it all goes wrong, we've got someone else to blame!'

"Can you keep a secret, Fred? The truth is, I've never had a clue what curve it is I'm supposed to stay ahead of!"