Strategy Planning Pillows

OK, we've defined the project objectives. Now it's time to establish the stakeholders.

"I think the reason our international unit is performing badly is because our mission statement says 'think locally and act locally'."

"Dammit, Johnson. You've got to start thinking outside of the box."

'Here's a composite of our target consumer.'

'The management look forward to hearing your thoughts on our exponential strategy for organic enlargement.'

'Dwayne, here, is hopefully the simple solution to our complex problem.'

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

'Can't we take a long view without a long meeting?'

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

'For the last time, don't run 'persistence is the key to success' by me again.'

"Do you guys have an exit strategy?"

"We could fire everyone and overhaul the company - or we could just change our name."

'What are we taking a hard look at today?'

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

'The decision's up to you, Buxton. I'll only tell you the one's you can't choose.'

Cost Benefit Ratio

"It's not bulls**t if we call it strategy."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'