Storytime Strategists Pillows

"Spoiler alert – it's gonna end like it did the other 117 times."

You read me a story about a workaholic little engine, and you expect it to make me sleepy?

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

A Hole in the Dike

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'Charlotte's Website' ('The children's book classic rewritten for the electronic era!')

Church Library - Pop-Up Books

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

'A is for Arse.'

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

"It's by A.I. Milne."

"Gosh, this reminds me of one of my favorite John Lennon lyrics: "Life is what happens to you while you're making other quarterly sales plans."

The Book Club

"And after the prime rate declined by half a point, the Dow rose by thirty-two, guess what happened to Goose and Fox?"

"At last they paid off their sub-prime fairy-tale and lived happily ever after."

"Our market research predicts this product mascot will be irresistible to both men and women..."

'Wow, forts really do come with cavalry!'

If John Lennon had gone into strategic management.

'Why do I always have to be the one to connect the dots for you people?'

Videographer. Zoom in. Zoom out.

"I know I'm huffing and puffing, but I don't have a temperature. You're safe. Now, let me in."

"No offense Dad, but is this available on DVD?"

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

'The prince and the princess lived happily ever after on their profits from capital-appreciation funds.'

"I don't know about you but I can't wait to get back to our book club!"

I wrote a poem about our failure to capture and secure the highway. It's called "The Road Not taken."

Woman in booksotre looking at books labeled 'Highly Graphic Novels.' Covers of books show various charts, graphs, spreadsheets.

Outer Cuteness vs. Inner Cuteness

"Why don't you go turn on your toys and watch them play."

'The only imaginable solution to this problem is a battle to the death.'

"...and although the tortoise was severely speed-challenged, he achieved his sales quota through a strict goal-specific program."