Storytime Sage T-Shirts

"I got my emotional baggage down to a little carry-on."

'You're consuming way too much sodium. Read the story of Lot's wife, and come back next week.'

'Well, Sweetie, a lawyer is the person who can compress the most words into the smallest idea.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"Just let her believe in fairies a little while longer."

Lady of the bath...

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

The Paper Route

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

Alice Through the Looking Glass - 'Tickets Please!'

"Fellow graduates, when I look at you, I see future princesses, ninjas, wizards, superheroes, and zombies."

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'vocabulary'?'

"First order of business...no more memos beginning 'Once Upon a Time.'"

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

"Less roman, more clef."

Three Witches from Macbeth

"Time to administer scout leader first aid protocol..."

Parenting Skills Training

"Can you read me a bedtime story about ponies, next time?"

"Is there a dramaturge in the house?"

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

"Pecos Bildungsroman"

Sylvia Plath

'Beautiful book. However, I'm afraid it lacks video game potential.'

'My bed time story sounds a lot like your blog.'

' Sheesh! I think people are getting tired of hearing those fables of Aesop's

Noah's Nark.

" 'And so the crack-whore princess and her pimp lived happily ever after. The end.' O.K., that's it. Lights out."

Punch and Judy Sales Conference