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'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'And the taps now run with alco-pops'

"Too Marvel?"

"Triple espresso." "Forget it, Uncle Mort. Your doctors said no caffeine." "I am not your Uncle Mort. I am someone else altogether." "Oh yeah? Who are you?" "I am... Drinkum... Coffeeman... Worthington-Smythe... of the Florida Coffeeman-Worthington-Smythes." "You may have heard of us... We're a family of... um... troubadours. I, myself, wrote several ballads for the likes of Sinatra, Pat Boone, and Jimi Hendrix." "So if I were to Google that right now, Google would confirm that?" "Google

'It was BAD enough having to look at his holiday photos.'

You Are Hare x

"I've gotta lay off the 3 little pigs."

"Let's follow him on social media."

"Go on, say it again, 'I love you' in Armadillo."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

You Are Here - Uncle Sam's Exit Strategy

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

Robinson decided to name him 'Casual Friday'.

'Where was the TSA?'

The ghosts of Christmas yet to come.

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

Eurydice is bitten by a snake

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

See, Catty-O? I told you dinner was included with admission.

'You're doing a play in kindergarten?'

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

Janey then realized that babysitting isn't easy...

A Witch Consults Her Magic Mirror

Jacques et Jille

Hansel and Gretal

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

Cinderella and Charming the Clown

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"