Storyteller Supreme Gifts

"Guilty on all counts, Your Honor. However, with more attention to character development, pacing and tone, we're confident the defense will find a much wider audience and a winning verdict in the appeal phase!"

'I see they're having editorial differences upstairs again.'

"Can't you just look at the pictures,daddy? Some of us have to get up for school in the morning!"

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

Took a tiny nothing molehill and created this huge, amazing mountain

"Mr. Bream, it's time for you to put on a humiliating smock and let the doctor tell you about his fishing trip to Canada."

"Enough about your Xbox already!"

'Hey! Can she tell a story or what?'

Anyway I thought I'd have a go at this writing lark on the first publisher I showed my scribbles gave me a five book deal.

"Good memoir, but we're looking for something more candid. Like not-being-invited-home-ever-again-for-Thanksgiving candid."

"He's so crooked even his autobiography is based on a true story."

Shepherd and eurydice

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Edgar Allen Poe

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."