Storyline Analyzer Mugs

Youtube reviews make me feel old, Randy. Well … they're always full of whining, nitpicky, smug people complaining that the film or tv show wasn’t easy enough to follow. Reviewers complain that characters actions "don't make sense," as if they unaware that people often don't make sense. Or that a scene wasn't "necessary," as if establishing character doesn't matter. They complain that the plot was "confused," but when I was growing up, that just meant the viewer wasn't paying enough attention. It

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

'Sue didn't watch soap operas all the time. She also reads books'

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

My Aunt's Left Hook Expels Uriah From The Chaise

"Which should we go see: the straight romantic comedy where the heroine's best friend is a gay man, or the gay romantic comedy where the hero's best friend is a straight woman?"

The Truth

Johnny Depp

"My first novel is a prequel of a sequel, it's about time travel."

Abstraction and recognition

'As I see it, Pinocchio was motivated by a need to prove himself while both hansel and Gretel were driven by an inborn rebelliousness.'

Book Shop: The great American Novel and The great American tweet.

You've got to stop getting all your history from Youtube and Netflix. Why? Because those are videos. People who make videos are making entertainment. It it's entertaining that means someone's constructed story. If it's a story, that means they left out or twisted whatever doesn't logically fit their narrative as told from one point of view. Accurate history would be completely illogical. Oliver Stone would disagree.

You're on the "Ask Sadie" show. What's your problem?! I just found out "Empire" and "Star" are in the same universe. For months I've been telling everyone I knew that "Star" was a blatant ripoff of "Empire." But then I found out they're made by the same people and they're in the same tv universe, and I'm like totally fine with it now. Stop it! We speak "English" on this show, not "tv addict"! Wait a minute ... are we talking about soap operas? Because there's an exception for soap operas. No, we

"I love my unreliable narrator. You?"

'And do you, Cathie, promise to advance Ed's narrative?'

'This is where it gets tricky. I see 3 alternate endings and a director's cut.'

"Is there no escape from escapism?"

"Brick, Eh? Well, sorry to blow your house down but these days it's not wise to be so invested in stability."

'Once upon a time there were some me with big sticks, and these men, they said to everyone else...'

I'm so confused about Star Wars. Anakin Skywalker was good, then he turned into evil Darth Vader. It's just a movie, Timmy. It's important to remember that. Oh. What about Governor Cuomo. The dark side is powerful.

Did we end last week with an awesome, startling cliffhanger, or what? I mean, there you dear reader were, thinking what incredible revelation is forthcoming? How could you hint that Sadie Cohen, resident irascible octogenarian, has a dark secret, and then just break for the weekend? And yet … despite the fact that we esteemed and handsome cartoonists taunted you with such a remarkable tease, such a breakthrough narrative moment, we have not been inundated with cards and letters begging for the t

"Clever plot, but who can concentrate without some gratuitous sex and violence?"

"You can tell you've been promoted over your level of competence when you stop wondering if you've been promoted over your level of competence."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

'Not really interested in the meaning of life. I want to know what's going to happen on my soaps?'

God's editor prepares for a tough convo

'Due to scheduling conflicts, the Today show will be seen tomorrow....'

"You remember the ex-husband in chapter one who caused her to reassess her whole life and seek a spiritual awakening? That was me."

A Book Review of the Phone Book: A hefty paperback with too many characters and not enough plot development. Next week, we'll review a more complex work--your phone bill.

"I'm not interested in the meaning of life...I want to know what's going to happen in my soap"

"I've been thinking about your bedtime story, and something doesn't make sense."

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

"It's plotted out. I just have to write it."