Storybook Rediscoverer Mugs

When Alice turned around, the rabbit had drawn a 9mm Beretta Automatic.

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Late night teddy reading

The Runaway Horse

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Bookworm Sleepover

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

Characters jumping out of a book.

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

Alice in Wonderland: The Queen Turns into a Pack of Cards.

"One side is for depression, the other is for anxiety, and if you're still confused make an appointment with the cat."

"Where the wild things were."

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Treasure Island Book.

Alice in Wonderland-Hare and Hatter putting Dormouse in Teapot

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

Knights of the bedside table.

“If I start pressing these, I’ll never ever ever get out of here.”

'Okay, time to sleep now. Switch off your nose, Rudolph'!

'Of course it's safe. It has no preservatives, no additives, no artificial coloring...'

Wicca Heritage Centre: Hansel and Gretel stayed here.