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The First Memoir: 'Ok...it's a pretty good story Noah. But I think it needs to punched up a little to make it marketable.'

"Will this lockdown ever be over?"

'But the second bowl of blubber was too cold....'

Babe in the woods!

'Bo-Peep was fed-up with losing us all the time, so she has us all wear these radio-locator collars now.'

Take your pick...(Pig to owl and pussy cat).

Three little pigs reading 'What House' magazine.

'No way dude! The last time I let my hair down, I had seven dwarfs down here!'

Man feeding 10 pigeons and a unicorned pegasus.

"Don't be alarmed, kiddo, truth be know, I just fancy getting dressed up in old women's clothing."

"I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore."

"To meet the girl of your dreams, swipe right on the lamp."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Late night teddy reading

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Papageno from The Magic Flute

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"Where the wild things were."

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

Monkey Curling Lion's Mane.

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

'Okay, time to sleep now. Switch off your nose, Rudolph'!