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The fat boy awake again

'You will meet an enchanted prince. No wait...it's a toad.'

'Mum, how come we're always the bad guys in bed-time stories?...'

"If Mary's Little Lamb can follow her to school...why can't my kid go too?"

Understudies

"'Happily ever after' you want? Then you keep the house kosher!"

"Read me the story again about the closet monster."

'It doesn't say, son, who bottlefed the calf while the cow was out jumping over the moon.'

"Well in this case, Cynthia, it was judicious not to postpone marriage."

"My most recent position was under a house."

'But how could the witch fit Hansel into her microwave?'

"Reading YA is passe. We're into picture books."

Rapunzel Rapunzel, let down your hair.

Fairy Storey Car Park

Cupid

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Late night teddy reading

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Papageno from The Magic Flute

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"Where the wild things were."

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."