Stockholder Pillows

Warren Buffett

"Sounds good. We'll just have to run it by the Hawaiian Shirts."

'We have obligations to our stockholders, our employees and our community - Fortunately, Henderson in legal has found a loophole.'

"We won't be mailing out our quarterly report. Our profits were obscene and postal regulations prohibit mailing obscene material."

'That concludes the annual report, I will now fend off questions from the stockholders.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"Still, I think we can all take some pride in being one of the signature bankruptcies of our time."

"We always look out for our stockholders!"

"As a sign of respect for you stockholders, our CEO will use his one phone call from prison to take questions about the recent negative publicity."

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

'This doesn't look good.'

'Now might be a good time to interject the GOOD news to the stockholders!'

'Eddie, my advice is to buy the stock now. If the company goes bankrupt, the stock will become a collector's item, and the price will soar!'

'Looks like your 'gold mine' turned out to be a landmine.'

"Help the poor kids or help the poor workers,poor stockholders, poor venture captialists..."

'Well, what kind of turnout did you expect?'

'We'll tell the stockholders that consistancy is the hallmark of the corporation.'

"We still offer executives the Golden Parachute, but now it's a real thing in case stockholders storm the 59th floor."

"You own 10 shares in the company, Symms? Great! I finally get to fire a stockholder."

"We'll now take questions from the floor. Miss Charl will respond to all sarcastic remarks."

'He eats garlic to fight cancer, he drinks red wine to prevent heart disease and he chews breath mints for the stockholders meeting.'

"President Whipple couldn't make it."

C.E.O.s deserve respect.

"We're just going to have to be patient, gentlemen."

'Duck and cover won't protect you in this stockholders meeting.'

Megacorp Boardroom. Then it's agreed --- I'll call the stockholder's meeting to order, Johnson will read the quarterly report, and Ernie will drive the getaway car.

'Hi, I brought along the small investors!'

Venetian Glass Co. Our stockholders are demanding a full accounting. They want transparency from us?!

"Until the numbers improve I'm suspending the group hug.''

"Uh, obfuscation fails me."

'Say, isn't that Mrs. Tower?'

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

"I'll invest as much as $2.95 in your company for a measley 42%."