Stock Trader Pillows

'Basically it's a stock that if a chain of near miraculous events would happen to occur, you'd make a bundle.'

"My favorite time of year is earnings season."

'I can get the latest market news from the New York stock exchange.'

Help! Sold Derivatives when I didn't even know what they were.

"I've learnt not to worry."

'Yes, I used to trade stocks, but I found it too risky.'

"Hello, son. I suppose chicken farming doesn't seem so bad now."

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'What I really miss is being able to blame my broker.'

'This can't be insider trading - check out my tan.'

"Psst! If you have any stock tips to pass on, I can probably lighten your sentence for insider trading."

'Don't tell me how much you love me. Tell me how my stock is going.'

"How can a fund that's loosing us money call itself socially responsible?"

'Stocks declined on news that everyone is playing online poker instead of playing the stock market.'

'Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. but teach him to trade stocks online and . . . uh . . . where was I going with this?'

'My broker uses it to trade hot stocks.'

In case of falling stocks, break glass (bottle of gin).

'These latest figure are encouraging...'

"I see they've cut interest rates again."

Market analyst at the Circus

'Tech stocks soared on news of the high number of employees who play computer games at work...'

'Okay, Mr. Williams, let's go face the shareholders.'

Stock market news.

"Our guest today is Santa Claus, who will tell us never to stop believing in Santa Claus rallies."

"How's the market, bullish or bearish?" "Rubbish."

"Your 'old money' not making you happy? How about trading in Bitcoin Futures?"

"Today treasuries were down on news that bitcoin futures were up."

'But on the plus side, I felt better about owning a SUV as soon as I bought some oil stocks.'

Steel Works - 'How the devil did all this go down 7 3/8 today?'

"Stocks closed higher on news someone at the Federal Reserve was quoted as saying 'What, me worry?'"

'Daddy, how do you spell "insider trading"?'

Pound sign in an hourglass.

"Buy gold."

"The market was down today on fears of fear itself."

Speculators