Stock Market Trading Gifts

"As long as your stock investment club needs a new place to meet, pick somewhere they're all familiar with -- the antacid aisle of the drug store."

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

The day the stock market went UP.

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

The president's men

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Build Your Own Portfolio

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

Wall St. or True Love.

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

Will work for ETFs

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

'I know about the birds and the bees. Tell me about the bears and the bulls.'

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

"Hello, son. I suppose chicken farming doesn't seem so bad now."