Stock Market Speculators Gifts

Finance Director killed by falling profits

Man hugging bag of money, falling down a hole.

"Elon Musk is buying rope and walnuts."

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

Depressed Businessman at Office Christmas Party.

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

"Some guy by the name of Bernanke called in. He wants to try and make an emergency soft landing."

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'Dow, Jones, Russell & Nikkei - Leading economic indicators.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

The United States' economy deflating.

'I wonder how this is going to affect the market?'

Geezernomics - Crash of 1929.

'You realize, of course, that that's the fifth 25 stake we've now sold in our entertainment division.'

'Stocks plummeted today, on forecasts that tomorrow will be warm and muggy.'

How should I know up or down? All I heard was the FT was 74.95.

'Find out if that was a computer glitch or a market glitch?'

'Today, emerging market funds rose on news the American dream is alive and well in Thailand, Singapore, China. . .'

'There's no correlation to stock prices. It's just a 'feel good' graph.'

'I sure wish there was a formula for picking the right mutual fund!'

'Now this is a fabulous strategy that has worked flawlessly every year, except for those when it failed miserably.'

"Just in case you want to invest, I've got a great idea for a dot.com startup."

'Twenty-seven years in a row the women investors in this club have outperformed the men--talk about lucky streaks.'

"The people who were running the economy last year... are running the economy this year."

...Shares can go up as well as down.

'Today on wall street, a rumor led to a rumor which raised fears of insider rumor-mongering.'

MD - Cosmetic Surgery and Investment Portfolio Makeovers.

'Last money market for 8 blocks'

'My advice is: Hold on to your stock so you can look back at this and laugh.'

'Trading was active in rumors, today...'