Stock Market Speculators Gifts

Finance Director killed by falling profits

Man hugging bag of money, falling down a hole.

"Elon Musk is buying rope and walnuts."

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

'You know the economy's in trouble when the Forbes 400 list of wealthiest Americans only has 350 names on it.'

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

Depressed Businessman at Office Christmas Party.

"Some guy by the name of Bernanke called in. He wants to try and make an emergency soft landing."

'Dow, Jones, Russell & Nikkei - Leading economic indicators.'

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

The United States' economy deflating.

'I wonder how this is going to affect the market?'

How should I know up or down? All I heard was the FT was 74.95.

'You realize, of course, that that's the fifth 25 stake we've now sold in our entertainment division.'

'Stocks plummeted today, on forecasts that tomorrow will be warm and muggy.'

Geezernomics - Crash of 1929.

'Today, emerging market funds rose on news the American dream is alive and well in Thailand, Singapore, China. . .'

'Find out if that was a computer glitch or a market glitch?'

'There's no correlation to stock prices. It's just a 'feel good' graph.'

'I sure wish there was a formula for picking the right mutual fund!'

'Now this is a fabulous strategy that has worked flawlessly every year, except for those when it failed miserably.'

...Shares can go up as well as down.

"The people who were running the economy last year... are running the economy this year."

'Today on wall street, a rumor led to a rumor which raised fears of insider rumor-mongering.'

"Just in case you want to invest, I've got a great idea for a dot.com startup."

'Twenty-seven years in a row the women investors in this club have outperformed the men--talk about lucky streaks.'

MD - Cosmetic Surgery and Investment Portfolio Makeovers.

If you're so good at picking winning stocks, why do you still have to work?

'Trading was active in rumors, today...'