Share Price Speculator Gifts

"We know stocks will go up but we don't know which ones or when."

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

"Elon Musk is buying rope and walnuts."

'Dow, Jones, Russell & Nikkei - Leading economic indicators.'

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'I wonder how this is going to affect the market?'

'Stocks plummeted today, on forecasts that tomorrow will be warm and muggy.'

'I was wondering, Mr. Hartwelder, if I could be paid in money rather than stock options?'

'Now this is a fabulous strategy that has worked flawlessly every year, except for those when it failed miserably.'

"Just in case you want to invest, I've got a great idea for a dot.com startup."

"Facts are good, but we need all the rumors, gossip, and speculation to fully understand the situation."

Department of Pure Speculation.

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

Wall Street Down

Stock Market Adventure

"Some say we can't go on making millions forever, but I think they're wrong!"

"Now do you see, Betty, what a little luck, a few sound investments and the shameless inflation of corporate profits through bogus transactions can buy."

They lean more of how the universe began, but can't tell me where the market will end.

"No one knows what he does, but it's rumored that he's the guy who sets global oil prices."

Finance Director killed by falling profits

'What I want you to do is spot any mistakes before I make them.'

The tumbling dice...

Man hugging bag of money, falling down a hole.

"This is our newest drug. It's currently undergoing rigorous testing to see how much we can charge."

'A wonderful sermon, father; I liked the part about a time to sew and a time to reap. When would you say I should cover the naked December calls I sold last month?'

"In the tech sector, markets reacted strongly to news that ToadNoggle would acquire Zeepzer, ending rumors of a hostile takeover by FiffleBunny."

"When do we all start frantically buying gold again?"

'On days when the stock market suffers sharp losses... it's best not to mention in recovery.'

"Tonight's lotto numbers are..."

The worst is over...the worst is yet to come.

To complete your withdrawal, select denomination. $20's $10's Heads Tails

'I see your investments going up but it's not clear which ones or when.'

'Stocks dropped on news Greenspan's memoirs will contain no insider trading information...'