Stock Market Magician T-Shirts

'I can't take all the credit. My childhood imaginary friend picked a lot of my stocks.'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

Time Is Money

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

"The new revenue stream is finally kicking in."

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

"Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% budget allocation."

'Well, Frobisher, it's taken a millennium, but thanks to our initial public stock offering, we've finally turned lead into gold.'

Investing your savings

"Everything's gone up."

Smiling businessman with rising profits

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

Men on escalators reading newspapers, shares are going up on the up escalator and down on the down escalator.

'And this is my strategic money reserve.'

'Guess who made a bushel today?'

Falling stocks appear to be rising when man stands on his head.

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

Man breaks piggy bank to find another smaller piggy bank inside.

'Wait a minute....!

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

'Well, maybe upteen zillion was too general a cost estimate.'

"Your portfolio is too conservative."

"This is Fluffy, my pet money."

Woman uses an ATM with buttons for: Grocery, Leverage Buyout, Start Up Capital, Shop Till You Drop.

Snowing Money.

"I've accepted that I'm getting richer."

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

"We can succeed if our target audience is not made up of rational human beings."

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"