Stock Market Humor Prints

'Tech stocks tumbled on news that Alan Greenspan's computer was down.'

Federal Reserve Board - Out to Attend A Stock Market Prayer Vigil.

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

The Contrarian funds

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

"I recommend you invest in oil. Prices are down now, but auto leaks are up."

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

'I can't believe it! This is when I sent out a company memo advocating a win-win philosophy.'

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

"Humpty Dumpty had a great fall? Was he invested in emerging markets?"

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

'Polly wants a Nasdaqer...Polly wants a Nasdaqer...'

'I feel I owe a lot to my country.' - 'So, you haven't paid your income tax again.'

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

Financial Advisor to client: 'Your portfolio still could earn money if you believe in the existence of junk bond elves.'

"I was doing pretty well in the stock market until I discovered there were laws."

'I'm calling my invention 'IPO'.'

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

'It's a deal, for $15 an hour, I'll stand in front of your office.'